I could use some advice...

Hey all you readers (ok, the 5 of you that religiously follow this HAHA!)

I could use some advice...It's currently 3:15am NY time (thought I would throw that in for all you non-NY readers) and I'm still awake. Why you ask? Nope, it isn't homework, or laundry, or the furry kids or insomia. It's not because a tv show I want to watch is on, or because I have something baking in the oven...

It's because my husband isn't home (ok not husband yet, but close enough). He's currently 9 hours and 15 minutes in to his 12 hour shift, which means I have been missing him for the 9 hours and 45 minutes I've been without him.

And I can't sleep...not without him here. I hate going to bed first, and therefore, act like a total idiot and stay up until 6:30 am when he gets home so we can fall asleep together. Downfall of this plan-10 am class when he gets to sleep all day! lol

Here comes your part: the advice. Pretty soon (with the 'hurry up and wait' mentality of the military I can't give you a date yet) he'll be gone for many multiple 12 hour shifts in a row...12 hour shifts that equal 3 whole months of going to bed first, and even if I stay up until 6:30 am, he won't be coming home.

And I have no idea how to deal with this...

Clearly I can't stay awake for 3 months straight and sleep when he gets home! So readers...what is your advice? I know none of you are military wives, but I'm sure you've had to deal with similar stations at some point or another. So, help me out, because I'm getting wayyy too tired for my own good!

"Only a life lived for others is the life worthwhile."
-Albert Einstein

Just a Note.

Dear President Obama,

I hear you would like to freeze pay rates, or worse, eliminate them all together, for soldiers starting next year, and even those currently enlisted. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save more money for our country? While you're at it, let's cut down all congressman's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why should we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits? Seems like everyone in Washington is doing alright, and able to walk the streets safely...am I wrong? Didn't think so. What you are doing is unfair! Can't wait until 2012 when someone knew sits in that Oval Office.

Sincerely,
A pissed off military (almost) wife

To whom it may concern:

Let me start by saying the following: No, this isn't about you...or you...or the person you think this is about. This is a collection feelings and emotions, ones I can't speak about anymore because, in many cases, I feel as though I can't talk to those closest to me anymore.

This is me speaking my mind, something that is causing my hands to shake as I write this. This is me being honest, something I should have been with these individuals. This is me, writing to the collective "you," although each and every person reading this can benefit from it's words. This is me poring my heart out, and knowing that could be detrimental, but being so upset about all of this, I don't have the capacity to care anymore...

To whom it may concern:

Hi, how are you? I sincerely hope that you are having an amazing day, as you always seen to be, even if that is a lie. I most certainly, truthfully, am not. Why you ask? Well let's see...I don't lead an amazing lifestyle, and don't fabricate it to sound amazing. Ends aren't meeting this month, and it's really stressing me out. I'm marrying my best friend in 2 weeks, and shortly thereafter saying goodbye to him. He could be going somewhere terrifyingly scary, and the thought of that causes me to be unable to hold it together most moments in the day. School is insane, and I can't wait to graduate-although I'm not sure if I will. Life is crazy, and everything is falling apart. I've never needed support as much as I do now.


I've been turning to you for this, and you haven't been there...not in the slightest. I hate the mini parties I have internally when you say that you want to hang out with me. I get excited when you text me first, as opposed to the other way around. But lately, those parties and exciting times have become few and far between. Countless texts have gone unanswered, or pushed aside for television or another outing. I can't remember the last time I had to state my case for you spending time with me. And, above all else, you questioned my best friend and his position in the United States Military. Just because you think you know it all, doesn't mean you actually do. In this questioning process, you offended not only myself and my to be husband, but his commanding officers and unit as well. Awesome job. I don't care if you hurt me-I'm used to it-but hurting them is not okay in my book.

I'm tired of coming in second place to other friends, the couch, shopping trips and countless other things. I'm not saying you have to be with me or talk to me 110% of the time, but damn it step up! I look to you for guidance and support, and feel like I'm not getting either. I'm embarking into this really terrifying time in my life, and have no idea what to expect or do. I can guarantee you one thing though, I can't do it alone.

I love you...you're one of my closest friends and will always, as cliche as it sounds, have a special place in my heart. With that being said, however, I can't keep hurting. I can't keep crying over this friendship day in and day out. I can't keep feeling the way I do currently. It kills me to feel inadequate, and that is how you make me feel day in and day out...I'm at a loss for what to do about it anymore.

With all the love a friend can give,
Jess