Alright alright, I'll do it

So my friend Jen tagged me in this random facebook free response survey thing...I figured, since I'm too stressed to write about anything else, I'll fill it out here, as I'm sure you're all dying to know these details about my life! hah

This survey gets all in your business, are you ready?
Oh bring it on..

Will you marry your high school sweetheart?
BAHAHAHAHA nope!

Do you like your hair?
Not currently no...wish I had the money to really do it the way I want to.

Have you ever kissed just a friend?
Yup.

Do you ever wonder what your ex or most recent “thing” is up to?
Occasionally...but I think it's better if I'm left in the dark. I've moved on, he's moved on and I'm happy.

If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
Walt Disney World, or my new house =) =)

Your last ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you do?
Clearly you're at the wrong place...shall I point you in the correct direction?

Have you ever been used?
Yup. Often. The most recent time really hurt.

Ever been cheated on?
Yes.

Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a D?
Oh ya know..just everyday for the past year or so =)

When someone says "we need to talk," what runs through your mind?
Shit....

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Bhahaha yup...most amazing times!

Have you ever been in a car accident?
Just two-one I was too young to remember, and a fender bender a few years back. I'm very lucky thank God.

What did you do last night?
Some cleaning, homework, tv watching and cuddling with my man =)

Would you rather give up the computer or the TV?
TV-I mean come on, you can get TV on the computer! haha

Do you learn from your mistakes or find yourself constantly repeating them?
Depends on the mistake I made-I'm trying to learn from them, but it isn't always easy.

Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello?
You could say that... =)

Do you think life is easier when you're young or older?
I don't think life is ever easy, no matter what your age. Each passing year comes with its own struggles.

What is one thing you will not tolerate in a relationship?
Lack of trust or lying.

Are you secretly fighting a battle with something/someone?
Does myself count? Other than that maybe one person I could think of

Are you the type of person who always needs to be in a relationship?
Goodness no, but I don't have to worry about that anyways

Do you think someone is falling in love with you?
I'm pretty sure he already fell =)

Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth?
yup!

Name someone from your past that you wish was still there?
Great Grandma Jessie.

Can you do a handstand?
LOL-nopeeee

Will you be over 21 in 2012?
Nope...23 =)

Last person you talked to on the phone: who are they, and why did they call?
Hubby (on the phone with him right now), called to tell me when he was going to be home =)

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching Pretty Little Liars.

Are you missing anyone?
Yeah-understatement of the century.

What do you currently hear?
Dan's voice

Have you kissed more than 4 people this year?
Nope.

Have you ever been disappointed in yourself?
Yes-again, understatement of the century.

Are you someone who hates to read?
Oh goodness no! You should have seen my excitement when Borders announced their going out of business sale for this weekend!

Are you proud of the person you've become?
Depends on what part of my life your were talking about. For the most part, yes.

Will you cry tonight?
Considering my current state, probably XD

Have you ever been suspended from school?
Nope...I was a goodie two shoes!

Have you ever cried to get out of trouble?
Perhaps once or twice.

Did you answer all of these questions honestly?
Yes ma'am...or sir...or person out there!

Do you have a best friend?
I have two extremely close friends. Don't use the term best friend-too exclusive. I consider them both sisters, and couldn't live a day without either of them. Of course, Dan is also one of my best friends =)

The last person who calls you calls again, what's it about?
Probably to let me know he's outside to pick me up so we can have our late night Walmart shopping date =)

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
I do...love him so much

If you could change your eye color what would you change it to?
I LOVE my eyes....wouldn't dare change them at all!

Do you like to hold hands?
Yes!!!! LOVE it...especially in the car =)

Are you one of those people who are always cold?
OMG yes...had medical tests done because of it!

When was the last time you worked at your job?
Wednesday =)

What did you last eat?
Oyster crackers

Are you a jealous person?
Sadly, yeah-one of the things I wish I could change about myself.

Do you think age matters in relationships?
Depends. 21 and 14 doesn't work in my eyes, but 29 and 22 does....

Is there someone you used to talk to every single day that you don't talk to now?
Many

Do you like to sleep?
yes yes yess! One of my favorite things

Ever feel like you're not good enough?
Constantly

What month were you born in?
January.

In the past week have you cried?
Multiple times! LOL

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow?
Nope-more like 7:30/8:00.

When's the last time you straightened your hair?
Don't...I have pin straight hair that most are jealous of!

Did you sleep alone last night?
Nope...haven't for a while and won't have to until next summer!

Are your ears pierced?
mmhmm

When you say you're sorry do you mean it?
Always.

What were you doing at 1:30 am?
Watching television.

How many houses have you lived in?
Two houses, three dorm rooms, one apartment. Moving into the house I just bought soon!

Do you like coffee?
LOVE IT. Missing it terribly right now.

Are you afraid to stay home all alone?
Sometimes...I moreso just HATE being alone.

Have you ever been called babe, baby or honey?
yes, yes and yes =)

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Can't say I have

Do you have any scars?
5 or 6 I think.

What will you do after this survey?
Walmart date, greys and pretty little liars...eventually sleep =)

Do you know people with your last name that you aren't related to?
I know a Coon...does that count?

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Depends on the person I am talking to. Some people, I can be a closed book, but my sisters/friends and Dan, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
Sometimes-again depends on the situation

Whose hand did you hold last?
Dan's =)

Do you think some people dont like you?
Of course.

Do you have trust issues?
Sadly, yeah...working through them though

Do you have anything that doesn't belong to you?
Yes.

Have you ever been awake for 2 days straight?
Haha a few times actually...

Is this summer gonna be a good one?
I think I can answer that question better on Tuesday =)



Phew, well that was painless. Sorry if you're bored to tears at this point!



"Getting to know someone else involves curiosity about where they have come from, who they are."
Penelope Lively


Until tomorrow...

I just want a wink or two

It's currently 4:12 am...

I am so tired...

Too tired to function...

But, just like every single night for the past month and a half...

I

Can't

Sleep.


I'm tired of hearing it is a normal thing-this is no longer not normal. I can literally feel myself getting sick (and enraged). I can't not sleep, and then have class from 9am-7pm straight through like I do tomorrow. Not only did I realize I'm becoming an adult when I dreamed about backsplashes, I realized I was becoming an adult when I came to the realization that I can't pull all-nighters like I did freshman year.

Someone out there try to catch a few z's for me??

Today's quote- "I WANT TO FREAKIN SLEEP!!"-ME

Until tomorrow (today)....

Realization

friend–noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile

I always knew I had people in my life I considered friends. People I talked to in class, those I frequently text, those who I see all the time at work...all considered friends. Sure, anyone can be a friend, but there's a heirarchy to this term. There are the bottom level friends, people who wave when you walk past, say hello politely, and ask how your day is going. Then there are the middle level friends, hanging out with them occausionally, seeing how their life is going, the occausional phnoe call or e-mail, etc. Finally, there is the top level friends...these are the friends that are going to be there for you through and through. These are the friends you can trust with your life, and occausionally do. These are the freinds you love and trust. These are the friends that are true.

It wasn't until earlier tonight, I think I realized what the term "true friend" really means. One of my truest friends-sister actually- had dinner with me today. I hadn't seen her in a few days, and when she accepted my offer, I was so excited...We had a lot to catch up on! To make a long story short, her husband has made the brave and admirable decision to join our nations Navy. When she first told me, I couldn't believe it at all! He is a great guy, but I jsut couldn't place him in the Navy. I told myself maybe it wasn't serious, or maybe he was still deciding as I walked to my car to pick her up...

After dinner, and on my way back to my apartment, I realized just how real this decision is, and, although this is far from important, how it will impact me. I've always thought I've been there for this friend, but now I'll have to be there in a whole new capacity, trying to comfort her while her husband is away-something I know little about. I'll have to deal with not seeing him, as he is also a friend of mine, and, the worst realization, I'll have to harbor the insane difficulty it will be to not have her in my life on a regular basis when she moves base to base with him.

Sure, texts, e-mails, Facebook and skype are one thing, but not being able to calorie count at Friendly's, have countless girls nights, go baby clothes shopping and share crazy Outback memories will be impossible. I didn't tell her that (even though I'm sure she'll be reading this in the next 24 hours), that I was holding back tears the whole time I was driving her home-heck, why else would the radio have gotten so loud! After I dropped her off, I lost it, and have been having a hard time holding it together ever since.

I've never really felt like this over a friend before, which brings me to the "true" part. The idea of being with out this true friend and sister figure is going to be rough. I'm so proud of her husband, and her for the strength she is showing by supporting him, and only hope that my hardship with this won't be hard on her. At the same vain however, I now realize just how much she means to me, and how much I love both her and my friendship with her. Love ya sis...

"TRUE friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there”

Until tomorrow...

"You can tell by the size of the envelope..."

So as some of you know, I applied to a bunch of law schools, as I thought that was the path I was going to take. After completing a life changing social work course, that path is now different, and somewhat still undefined (unfortunately).

I felt so committed to my change after I decided it would be doing, but as the law school acceptance letters come rolling in I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I was so excited about law school and being an attorney, but now, with every letter size envelope that comes to my mailbox, I question what the heck I'm doing with my life.

I know no one can tell me what I should be doing, but I'm tired of questioning. Why can't I just have my career assigned, or stay in college forever and learn about all the things I have the desire to learn about? Why can't this be easier...and why can't I make up my damn mind??

After buying a house and taking a job offer, I realize it's a little too late to pack up and move to Washington, but the constatn "what if?" keeps rolling over and over in my mind. What if I made a terrible, life altering choice? What if I end up unhappy for the rest of time? What if I'm wrong?

I crave the feeling of others being proud of me. If someone uses the p word, it can literally bring me to tears. I never heard it much growing up, and even now, it's uses when it comes to me are few and far between. When I was applying to law schools, my parents, boyfriend and friends were proud of me. They constantly told me how awesome it was that I was so ambitious and how great of a goal and accomplishment it was. Now, I fear my undergrad degree and lack of a solid career will make no one proud. The thought of disappointing people because I may not be reaching my highest potential absolutely crushes me...

This is when my grandpa would tell me to "Have faith Jessie..." and I guess that's the best thing I can do. I just hope and pray faith will lead me to the right path...


"In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse." -T.S. Eliot

Until tomorrow...

Friends, acquaintances, sisters...

*Cue rant here*

So, I'm getting throughly frustrated with parts life at the current moment. I constantly look at Facebook, seeing the various statuses of how this person has plans with this person, or that person is hanging out with this person. It's great that they have plans, but where does that leave me? Where I am currently-on my couch, watching Greek on Netflix....alone. I realize alone time is GREAT but I get lonely just like everyone else.

Once I finally have plans with someone, I find myself so consumed in wanting the outing to last forever because it is so much fun, that I feel as though I miss out on the actual hanging out part. When it's over, I find myself feeling more alone than I did before. I love my friends, but having all this "free time" (or time I should totally be doing my homework or housework), makes it really hard to just be alone.

There is a silver lining however. Being in this kind of situation shows me (reminds me more so) just how amazing my true friends are. Every minute I miss them is a constant reminder of how much I care about them. Through thick and thin, they'll always be there for me-especially when I need them the most. My girls aren't my friends-they're my sisters. I'd do anything for them, and know, even if it was difficult, they would do the same for me. I truly love them for the amazing women they are. I hope they know this...

Another fitting one..."A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart." Kathleen Grove


Until tomorrow...

1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6(3H,7H)-dione

1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6(3H,7H)-dione, C8H10N4O2...no matter what way you write it, I'm addicted to CAFFEINE!

I've been cutting ALL caffeine out of my diet and man, it is hard. Looking at my Keurig every morning and stopping myself from putting one of those little french vanilla cups in it kills me. No soda, no coffee, no nothing...I know it's best for me and my body but the headaches, mood swings and pure exhaustion is just awful! Just...one...tiny....cup...NO! haha

In other news, I started my senior year placement today at the Senior Center in downtown Saratoga. It was so much fun interacting with the seniors, and seeing how they interact with each other. I've already been told I'm going to be taught how to play pool and knit-we will see how that goes! I'm hoping to be a huge help to the agency as they take on new management, renovations and new members. We have a huge fundraising dinner coming up on the 22nd, so we're all busy. Overall it was tons of fun, and I can't wait to go back tomorrow!

Other than that, nothing too exciting going on. I'm on-call this weekend, so I'm hoping that some friends will keep me complany while I hang out in my apartment all weekend. If not, the next 3 days will be full of laundry, homework, cleaning, chores, errands and of course, blogging! WHAT FUN! Hoping to get some things/prices of things for the new house! Thank goodness I love comparison shopping! lol

Totally fitting-"A morning without coffee is like sleep." ~Author Unknown

Until tomorrow...

A New Page...

So I figued now, with the multitude of life changes about to occur, would be a great time to start a blog. I remember conntless times asking my parents what they were like at my ages, but sadly, most of the time they can't remember. I thought it would be great to journal every step of this "new page" I'm turning over!

This blog will be full of randomness-how my day is, job changes, picutres, favorite quotes, doctor appointment updates, news stories, school updates-you name it, it will probably be on here!

I'm going to challenge myself to blog daily. I need to make time for myself on a daily basis, and this will be a great way! Don't get mad if I miss a day or two (or 10!) I am a full time college student after all...

Speaking of college, time to finish up this paper and throw on another sweatshirt since it's frigid out...ugh upstate NY!

I promise (or hope) tomorrow's blog will be much more interesting than this! Writing about yourself isn't as easy as it seems!

I figured I'd end every blog with a quote, song lyrics, etc. This one seemed fitting for today!

“When you feel that you have reached the end and that you cannot go one step further, when life seems to be drained of all purpose: What a wonderful opportunity to start all over again, to turn over a new page.”-Elieen Caddy