Continued

For fear of coming off "ranty" in my last post, I wanted to clarify...

I'm not trying to sound like some snotty girl who expects everyone to come to her and shower her with the kind of love and devotion we see between the characters on "Friends." I'm simply going through this process of finding out I don't value myself the way I should. I tend to (in most cases) surround myself with people that don't make me feel so great, and in turn, cause me to get very upset and enter some pretty low and dark places emotionally. I'm not saying someone should cut a friend out of their lives because they are "up to par" that week. I'm simply saying it is good to know where your expectations are, as well as knowing what you need from others. I just fear I've been having constant "sub-par" friendships, and learning (or striving to learn) how to live upset 5 out of 7 days of the week. I think everyone, at one point or another, can disappoint someone--I'm sure I do in some way shape or form upset a patient, friend, partner, etc. in some cases. BUT with that being said, I recognize this and do whatever I can to make amends (apology, etc.). Expectations, and a lack of meeting them for that matter, isn't an end all be all. Step up. If you know you're being a not so great friend, apologize and be there. If a friend is reaching out to you for help, help them as long as it won't harm you. All we have is each other on this planet. Sure, all we can trust when we lay our heads on our pillows at night is ourselves, but we're human beings. We CRAVE human interaction. Without it, we would basically be cells walking around aimlessly. What I'm getting at (and I apologize for the disorganization of this post), is basically that, although we do not NEED others for survival, stability, etc. (well, that isn't all true, but that's for another blog), having others around is a definite benefit. When this benefit turns harmful as a friend is not being a true "friend," real damage can be done.

"I’d rather be nine people’s favorite thing, than a hundred people’s ninth favorite thing..."

A talk with arguably one of my best friends last night prompted this post. I guess, after talking with him, I began to realize my expectations in a friendship. Now, don't run and hide--I know expectations is a scary word, but bear with me for a second.

Friendship, hmm...what does that mean to me. I guess I can sum it up in the following.

Friends means being friends.

Friends, do the following (or should according to me):

-Talk on a frequent basis-no not daily, but not days/weeks apart
-Have meaningful conversations when they talk
-Don't lie to each other
-Don't back-stab each other
-Make plans, and KEEP them
-Realize what the other means to them
-Are there for each other, even when times are really tough
-Value each other
-Fight for their friendship, even if they're really really upset
-Apologize when it's necessary, and welcome an apology when it's warranted

I guess I don't find these things to be too hard. A simple text, or dinner out once every week or so doesn't seem like torture--after all, aren't you supposed to WANT to see your friends?

So this got me thinking...why do I settle for friends who don't meet my expectations. Why do I put up with social relationships that are one sided. Why do I, time and time again, ask friends to hang out with me, only to be not answered, rejected, turned down for other people, or worse, have a plan and then be stood up or cancelled on last minute?

Perhaps it's time I stopped living like this...

A wise man once quoted a musical during a conversation with me..."I’d rather be nine people’s favorite thing, than a hundred people’s ninth favorite thing..." I couldn't have said it better. I'm somewhat fed up with trying to have tons of friends, only to be valued by 2 or 3. I think maybe it's time I invest my efforts in those friends that reciprocate them. I love all of my friends, and would do anything for them, however, when I become the one that is always contacted for straight up money, a meal out they can't afford, advice when none is ever given back, and a shoulder to lean on/ear to listen when there isn't one available for me when I need it, I get a little fed up.

I hate to say I'm weeding out friends, because I'm a strong believer in the fact that if a friendship is termed "lost," perhaps it wasn't ever a friendship at all. Perhaps, these "lost" friendships that I find myself with aren't really friendships in the first place.

I don't mean to seem so jaded or self-deprecating, just food for thought.

To all you readers out there, be best friends when it's warranted. Pick up the phone when you have a second. Don't let those who care about you down, and realize what you have in others.