So as some of you know, I applied to a bunch of law schools, as I thought that was the path I was going to take. After completing a life changing social work course, that path is now different, and somewhat still undefined (unfortunately).
I felt so committed to my change after I decided it would be doing, but as the law school acceptance letters come rolling in I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I was so excited about law school and being an attorney, but now, with every letter size envelope that comes to my mailbox, I question what the heck I'm doing with my life.
I know no one can tell me what I should be doing, but I'm tired of questioning. Why can't I just have my career assigned, or stay in college forever and learn about all the things I have the desire to learn about? Why can't this be easier...and why can't I make up my damn mind??
After buying a house and taking a job offer, I realize it's a little too late to pack up and move to Washington, but the constatn "what if?" keeps rolling over and over in my mind. What if I made a terrible, life altering choice? What if I end up unhappy for the rest of time? What if I'm wrong?
I crave the feeling of others being proud of me. If someone uses the p word, it can literally bring me to tears. I never heard it much growing up, and even now, it's uses when it comes to me are few and far between. When I was applying to law schools, my parents, boyfriend and friends were proud of me. They constantly told me how awesome it was that I was so ambitious and how great of a goal and accomplishment it was. Now, I fear my undergrad degree and lack of a solid career will make no one proud. The thought of disappointing people because I may not be reaching my highest potential absolutely crushes me...
This is when my grandpa would tell me to "Have faith Jessie..." and I guess that's the best thing I can do. I just hope and pray faith will lead me to the right path...
"In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse." -T.S. Eliot
Until tomorrow...
Well, as we both know, I can't tell you what the right decision is for you. But just remember, something led your heart in a new direction. I'm sure there was a reason for it. You have to follow your heart. The only way for it to be a bad decison is if you let it be. You seem to have your head on pretty straight for the most part. You have to stop stressing over the decision and just go with it. Don't second guess it. I think this life changing decision was for the best, leading you to something you were meant to do. In either job, you will be making decisions that will change other peoples lives, maybe this one was better meant for you. Only time will tell. But just stick with this path your on. You are obviously doing well at the moment so don't change anything just because your unsure. If you change your mind back now, its a split second decision...that you may regret later. Finish what you have started and see where it takes you. Later on, you can go back to school, you can sell the house...but what if you love what your doing...and are happy in it forever? Just go with it for now.
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